I have noticed something funny about this blog. It seems like pretty much every post talks about me learning to become better or developing increased confidence. You think I would have it all figured out by now, but I don't. I am finding that having a good attitude, developing stronger faith, and believing in myself and others seems to be a constant battle. I am sure I am not alone in this, however. In my last post I wrote about a struggle I had faced with learning to be satisfied with who I was and what I had. Well guess what? It has recently happened again. I have to say that most days, being a stay-at-home mom gets a bit tedious and mundane. I have to get up in the morning, not when I feel ready to, but when the kids decide that I need to. With a baby in diapers and a toddler who is potty training, I spend an insane amount of time dealing with pee and poop. I can't get things done around the house without one of the little ones either getting in the way or pulling me away from what I am trying to do. Making dinner becomes quite tricky, and eating meals is never peaceful. It is a constant battle trying to stay patient with my two year old, and I have to be there to answer to my baby's every whim. Usually the most exciting things to take place during my day are nap time and seeing the hubby when he gets home from work. I put so much time and energy into caring for these little ones, yet at the end of the day I struggle to feel like I have really accomplished anything. While we have been blessed with sufficient funds to meet our needs and a good enough apartment to live in, I do find myself feeling a bit ungrateful sometimes. I wish so badly that we had our own yard for J to play in. I get tired of having to use the shared laundry facility. I miss the convenience of a bigger kitchen, a garage, and more than one bathroom, etc. For a long time it was hard for me having to deal with rarely being able to get out of the apartment since I had no car. Fortunately though, I now have been blessed with a car, and oh what a difference that makes. Honestly, I really am extremely blessed, and when I take the time to view things in the right light it is so easy to see. Yet often times I get so caught up in the mundane, tedious, and seemingly meaningless parts of my day and it becomes easy to lose sight of that. To help with this, I am setting a goal to take the time at the end of each day to share a special or meaningful moment, or important realizations or lessons that I learned in that day. They say that these are very important years and that someday I will miss this stage of my life. I have been learning so much, and perhaps I will retain those lessons better if I write them down. Perhaps I may even be able to help others if I am willing to share, so here we go.
I guess the thing that stands out the most about today is the fact that I did something that I was always too scared to do before now: I taught my first voice lesson. While I have been singing for a long time and received a lot of training growing up, I have been scared to teach. I did not receive a degree in vocal performance, and seeing as it has been a while since I have taken formal lessons, I feel like there is a lot I have forgotten. For those reasons I would not teach advanced students. I found myself feeling impressed last week though, that I should consider teaching beginner and child lessons. A few days later I was presented with an opportunity to do so. I am nervous and I definitely have a lot to learn, but I also realize that there is a lot of potential here. I let my voice go pretty dormant for a while there, and I even went through a stage where I struggled with some actual vocal damage. I am certainly not back to where I was in my high school and early college days, but I am getting better. In the case of my singing I have found the Lord's parable about the talents to be very true. God blessed me with a talent for singing, and when I use it he blesses me for for it. During the couple of years when I decided to keep it buried, I had to learn the hard way by losing it. I have learned that having humility about a gift does not mean hiding it or pretending it is not there, it means acknowledging its true source and using it the way the giver of that gift would have me use it. So here I am trying to multiply my talent. As I said, I am nervous and feel inadequate at times, but I know this is something the Lord wants me to do. As I do my best to research and take in new knowledge, and as I seek help and guidance from the Spirit, I know the Lord will qualify me to do this work. It will be blessing to me, to my family, and to those I teach. Here's to another leap of faith and another new adventure.
